After looking up several definitions of “rejection,” the one that seemed most compatible with what I am currently feeling is “to refuse to allow.” No one likes to be rejected. They like to be in control, and chosen, and accepted. The process of adoption is filled with rejection. Rejection of the child by their first family. And often, rejection of the adoptive family as well. This rejection is felt when you pursue a waiting child and another family is chosen. Or when a birthmom chooses a different family for her child. Although, your logical mind knows that every person can’t be chosen and there has to be families told no, your emotional mind says, “Why not me?”
This week, the Brooks family had our first rejection experience of our adoption journey. We were one of four families being considered for a precious little girl that we actually met, and we received the phone call that we were not chosen. Although this was not shocking information, and my head was very much ok with this news, the more days that go by, the more I wonder, “Why not us?” Don’t they know what great kids I have? Kids that are so very ready to be amazing big brothers and sisters! Don’t they know what great parents we are? We advocate for our kids fiercely. We are involved in sports, and school, and church. We teach our kids about Jesus. And about grace. And forgiveness. And we fill their cups with encouragement and love. We tell them they are beautiful. And fast. And they can be anything in the world they want to be. Yes, even a farmer, artist, veterinarian. Or a garbage man. Don’t they know how awesome our extended family is? Our kids have amazing grandparents AND great grandparents who are all a huge part of our lives. When we are exhausted from all the advocating and teaching and pouring, they step right in and keep it up. Don’t they know I am half adopted and Ben grew up in a long term foster home? We get it! We are prepared to prepare our little one’s heart and help him/her be confident in their identity. Don’t they know how open we are to open adoption? If it is safe and good for our kiddo, we will put all of our feelings and fears aside to do what is absolutely best for our- mine and Ben’s AND the first family’s- child.
Of course they know these things. And of course I know that I am one of many very wonderful mommas, and Ben is one of many super dads. I know that this family loved their little girl and made the very best decision for HER. And three families were on the REJECTED side. And that’s ok. She’s not our daughter. Our son or daughter is out there somewhere, and even through rejection, I know that God knows which child needs our family, and we are so ready when the time comes. We have decided to protect our kiddos from this rejection. They don’t need to know every time our profile is shown and we are not chosen. We will share the news with them when the time is right. And that literally may be when we are headed to the hospital (or wherever we are told to go!) to pick up our child.
To continue to follow our adoption journey, check out: https://www.youcaring.com/brooksfamily-1022176
Also, between now and March 1, we are taking orders for Gobena coffee. $12/bag for a 12 oz. bag or a pack of 12 Kcups. Send me an email @ chazalee at gmail dot com if you want more info on ordering! 🙂
The Brooks Family 