June 1. One month has come and gone since a tiny newborn entered our world. Thirty one days seems like such a short amount of time to have experienced a lifetime worth of love, of heartbreak, of growth, of worry, of pride. This little one has stolen all of our hearts, and showed us that we are brave enough to do hard things, we are terrified of not being in control, and we are fully dependent on our creator who has been writing this story for longer than this tiny girl has been alive.
Our family feels complete with her in it. No longer do I feel the longing that goes along with the need to add another child. The “big” kids are all standing on ready to get her whatever they think she needs, when she makes the tiniest cry. They have learned that stuffed animals and toys don’t shush the cries of a newborn, but rather a soft stroke of her forehead, a pacifier, or a gentle rock of the carseat/bassinet will soothe her to sleep. All have taken turns holding and feeding her, and are generally longing for more when I whisk her away from them. I’m so thankful that they have a lifetime to love on her. She will most definitely be the most loved little sister. She has won the hearts of her daddy, grandparents, aunts and cousins. We all think it’s pretty neat that she looks just like all the Brooks babies that came before her, with her dark hair and tiny nose.
We have had several visits for snuggles with the precious one who chose life for our Ava Kate. We agreed that we would “do life together,” which basically looks an awful lot like having an extra person who loves our little one fiercely and doesn’t have to miss special milestones of the tiny one she created. She chose us to be Ava Kate’s parents, which means, she expects US to be just that- her parents. However, with that choice, she did not resign from loving this little one or longing to kiss her soft face from time to time. Although I know it seems weird to most, it is such a natural relationship for the two of us, and jealousy doesn’t have a place in my heart or Ava Kate’s sweet first momma’s. We are a team, and so thankful for each other. I don’t know what this will look like years down the road, but I know that it is a beautiful story that we are writing.
Ava Kate is an amazing baby. At one month, she weighs what my other three kiddos weighed at birth. She’s a tiny little thing, but she’s eating and growing perfectly. She’s a little piggie, who takes 4 oz. formula every 4 hours. Formula. Probably my biggest learning curve with this little one. With my other kiddos, we didn’t introduce formula until after 6 months, so figuring out how much and how often, and when to increase, was new to me, but we are in a good groove for now. I’ve said a few times I’m not sure why I worked so hard to avoid it with my other kiddos, because this girl sleeps so good at night! (Like now, it’s almost 2 am, and she’s sleeping and I’m not— what’s wrong with this picture?!) I have 8 weeks at home with her before I go back to work, so I am just now half way through that. I’m so thankful for this time to be able to love on her and get to know each other. And for naps together— I’m definitely thankful for those too.
We have no doubt that Ava Kate is the baby that God had planned for our family. He has showed us that in so many ways throughout this journey. Through tears I told Ben, I knew that I would love the baby placed in our family, but I didn’t expect to love her first momma too. I am so thankful for this part of our story too. It isn’t something I “have” to do, or am going through the motions of, but yet, a beautiful part of this story that I so didn’t expect. God has been preparing my heart for this relationship over the last year, and I’m so so glad. It was pretty well known that I was the gas and Ben was the brakes of our adoption journey. He had several boxes that he wanted checked, and I told him a lot of them were unrealistic. It’s crazy to look back at those boxes and see that this story checked every. single. one. of them. Even the unrealistic ones. God is so good. And He is in the details.
Life is messy, and sometimes it is hard. I don’t expect this journey to be perfect or without challenges. But, we are prepared to do hard things, and so excited and honored to be this little one’s family. We can’t wait to walk this journey with her and be part of her beautiful story. We are so thankful for our amazing village for being part of this story as well. Those of you who have dropped off baby things on our doorsteps, THANK YOU! Those of you who have brought meals, THANK YOU! Those of you who have sent us groceries, THANK YOU! Those of you who helped support our journey financially, THANK YOU! We are forever grateful for all of you and the role you play in our journey. We have a beautiful village and we are so crazy thankful for all of you!
The Brooks Family 