4 months

Yesterday, our beautiful little one turned 4 months old.  It’s sort of odd to process that although she was born 4 months ago, I didn’t yet know she existed.  But on that day, four months ago, her first mom, her birthmommy was praying so hard for Ben and me.  Praying for someone to step in, and become mom and dad to this precious, beautiful little one.  To love her beautiful baby as much as she did, and promise to take care of her and give her a home and a family, filled with love.  As she was praying that for her baby, we were praying to be just that to a baby who needed a family.

Today, 4 months ago, I met two ladies who will forever change my life.  First, Ava Kate’s birthmommy.  As I drove to the hospital to meet her, I had no idea to what to expect.  No idea what she would look like, be like.  Would she be kind to me?  Would she be really angry?  Really emotional?  Really distant?  Honestly, I had no idea what to expect.  What I did not expect was a beautiful, precious young girl who had maturity that blew me away.  I was surprised that our conversation wasn’t forced or awkward.  We connected on a level from the very beginning that can only be explained by the holy spirit.  We chatted about life, and dreams, and the beautiful baby she was holding, tightly swaddled up in a burrito-like blanket.  Driving back to work, I was overwhelmed by emotion.  This was it.  This beautiful baby I held against my chest was mine.  She was mine, and she was this beautiful girl’s who I just met.  And oddly, that was ok.  She was ours.  We would both fight to make sure she had a family that adored her.

Four months ago, I was seeing patients like normal, precepting a nurse practitioner student, and had no idea that I was about to get a text that would change my life.  Change my family’s life.  “Call me asap,” it said, and was coming from a social worker who is also a friend/mentor.  Literally within two hours of that text, my beautiful daughter was snuggled into my chest.  Although she did not grow within my womb, she fit perfectly snuggled there.  And I knew without doubt,  that if this precious birthmom wanted me to be mom to this little one, I would absolutely, without doubt, love her with all of my heart.

On that day, I had no idea that I would continue to get to know this precious birthmommy, and we would navigate waters together that there aren’t books to prepare you for.  But,  I knew that Ava Kate was my daughter, and I would cross oceans for her.  And I knew that her birthmommy was a beautiful girl who I connected with deeply, and would move mountains to help her be ok as she walked through such a tough journey.  Our journey doesn’t make sense to most looking from the outside, but it is so, so beautiful, and I am so so glad that we are on it.