I have read some incredibly passionate blog posts, articles, heck- even books, with people who very adamantly give you the RIGHT answer to this age-old debate.
I have also had many incredibly out-of-their-lane people ask me “Did you plan that?” or “Did you mean to have them so close together?” Oh.my.gosh.no. Would I change a thing? Absolutely not! God’s timing is perfect (and sometimes comical), even if it does make me oh-so-tired and stresses these perfect spacers to the max!
After a miscarriage and a year long bout of infertility, we decided after our first child was born that we would get pregnant with our second child “whenever it happened.” (Can you imagine two Type A schedulers/planners/control freaks like us being so laissez-faire about something as important as creating life?? It must have been the sleep deprivation!) Although I was nursing, and I thought that would at least DELAY fertility, we used no forms of birth control or methods of prevention.
After googling “Post Partum Depression @ 5 months post partum,” I decided to take a pregnancy test. As usual for me, it (the first test) was negative. Ya’ll. I was crying at the drop of a hat. Maybe even before the hat dropped. And my well-established breastfeeding had suddenly turned very painful, and my equally well-established supply dropped- a lot. A few days later, on the day of my best friend’s wedding, I took another pregnancy test, and it was oh-so-positive! Here we were, about to head to my hometown for friends to meet my beautiful daughter for the first time— with the knowledge that this petite infant girl was about to be a BIG sister. To say that I was in shock or that I was a terrible bridesmaid would both be understatements. I’m going to blame the hormones.
My husband was instantly excited. Me? Freaking out. Google Britney Spears 2008. She had 2 babies in one year, and she shaved her head. She did a lot of other super crazy stuff that year. I wasn’t kidding when I feared the same for me! I don’t think it was until we had our gender reveal ultrasound, (and around the same time, I could start to feel Eli move) that I took a deep breath, and truly felt the blessing that I was about to be someone’s Mommy again. A job that I do not take lightly!
Although I had an ultrasound done at the hospital where I worked to confirm it was a pregnancy with a heartbeat inside the uterus (because, I’m a nurse, and we worry about those things!), I scheduled my first prenatal visit with the OB-GYN AFTER my first trimester. Although it got me the label “late prenatal care,” I knew they were not going to be very happy about my decision to continue nursing Sydney, so I waited as long as I thought was a very good idea before “establishing” care. Not that it had been long unestablished, mind you, they had just delivered the big sister a few months before! 🙂
I’ve never had twins, so I can’t go on record and say that having babies twelve and a half months apart is harder than having twins, but I have had several twin moms agree that two babies back to back might indeed be even harder than having twins! I cannot imagine two babies at once– I am absolutely not minimizing the insane difficulty of that. But, with back to back babies, you have a very unique challenge. You do everything twice with no break in between. Breastfeed? Done with that, and start again. Potty training? Finish one and start the next. Up all night with a newborn (and crazy colicky baby)? She finally sleeps all night and enter her newborn brother, who perfect during the day, awake every two hours for feedings at night.
While we were dating, I wanted 1, 2, or 4 kids. My husband, Ben, wanted 3. After our second child was born roughly 12 months after the first one, we both agreed two might indeed complete our family. Since we were 24 and 25 years old a the time, we decided not to make any permanent decisions, but we sold any and all baby gear the second our littles outgrew them. (Boy are we thankful for awesome family and friends who showered Baby #3!).
When Sydney and Eli were 2 and 3, you know, big kids, I begged my hubby for one.more.baby. I pleaded, “We can’t make decisions that affect forever, based on how hard it is right now!” My husband is in no way a pushover and tells me no a lot, but he also usually tries to keep my heart happy, and reluctantly agreed. Three months later, he was shocked and I was not to find out we were expecting our third, and likely final, baby. (I don’t know where all his surprise came from— he agreed to end trying to prevent anything.)
This is the part of this post where I will confirm your suspicion that I am clinically insane. I was so worried that our kids were going to be so far apart in age. Would it be like raising two families?? I have laughed at myself a lot about this. Usually when I see the stair step children walking in front of me. They are now 8, 7, and 4, and are like 3 peas in a pod– certainly not 2 families!
Although I am sure some of you feel you did it just perfect in the spacing department, I have come to the conclusion that there is no one size (or space) fits all family. Some are perfectly completed with one child. Some think 2 and 21 months apart is the perfect answer. And some grieve when #10 completes their family. I think you are all right. What is perfect for you is perfect for you, and I am so very glad that God didn’t create cookie-cutter families.
The Brooks Family 